turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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