So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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