he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
