remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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