so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
