Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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