if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
