A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I think i got beer on your cat.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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