You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
