Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
