Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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