I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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