Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
