Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
