i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
