not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
