My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
