1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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