all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
