do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
