i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
