Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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