the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
