just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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