And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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