my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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