You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
how does that bad decision feel?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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