well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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