he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
