i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
