I cannot find my penis.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
