Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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