the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
