i jhust puked up my retainher.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
