you're like a bully in the Christmas story
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
