You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
