I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
