the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
