The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
