Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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