Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
