Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
