She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
