My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
