We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
