now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
