I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
