Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
