The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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