we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
