I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
