Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
