Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
