im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
