I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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